Thursday, June 11, 2009

I say I want to write...

I say I want to write, but I don't do it. Each night I have free time between when Lily goes to be and when I go to bed- sure I might be completely exhausted, but still. If it was something I really wanted to do, I would have the motivation to do it, right?

Right...except that I am afraid. It has taken me a really long time to say this, but I am afraid that if I try to write something it's going to be bad, or at least not nearly as good as everyone thought my writing was when I was in elementary school. I'm also afraid that it will be really good, because what will that mean for me and my life. Will I be able to make a career out of it? I don't know if I can take being really good at another thing and not being able to have a career doing it (like Pilates). I don't think I can add a third job along with my second child.

Can I put another thing on my to-do list? I have to finish reading the ACE book so I can take the test. Can I read and do any of the other books that I have in my bookshelf?

I really wish I could make a living doing what I want to do...but I am afraid to make a leap. We can't afford it right now with two kids and a new house.

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