Friday, April 17, 2009

How did this all become my responsibility? I have to carry the child, then apparantly it is completely up to me to determine how to care for the child and, if I work, to figure out who will watch it while I work. Plus I must be sure to feed and clothe my family. Sure, he will do the dishes and the laundry and he mows the lawn because my wrist won't let me push the mower that long, but the little things...filling out a sheet of paper to have our furniture cleaned...that takes months. And telling his assistant the AC at the company apartment is broken- that takes 5 days- 2 after I point out that the AC has been running for a day and the place hasn't gotten any cooler, and 2 nights where we sweat more than we sleep. I hired the painter after waiting for 2 weeks for him to call and get quotes that never came in. I met the fence people. When the baby is sick I'm the one who has to figure out how to get my job done while I'm at home with a 1 year old.

And today is his birthday, so I'm not allowed to be mad at him. I have to go to lunch with him. I don't want to. I'm tired. I'm tired of doing everything. I'm tired of not being able to have a conversation with him because he just pretends to listen, doesn't really give any feedback.

Monday, April 13, 2009

Notes from Listening to Oprah's Podcast

When offered a new opportunity, ask yourself:
WHY am I going to be doing this
WHO am I going to be working with
WHAT am I going to be doing

Join b/c why, stay b/c who, quit b/c of what.

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

My birthing years 1

"Birthing years"- I first heard this phrase, in referance to myself, from an orthepedist telling me that my knee wasn't going to get any better- that the cartiledge started to wear down after women hit a "certain age." I was either 24 years old.

Have you heard of the quarter-life-crisis? I was in the midst of one. I had just begun a new job, seemingly my dream job as the Executive Assistant to the President of a record label that I had been hoping to work at for the past 6 years. I had been married for a year and a half and we were just finally starting to find a balance between my husbands all consuming career and my all consuming need for attention. I was training to walk a marathon, thus the knee problems and the visit to the orthepedist.

My Executive Assistant position was the 4 job I had had in the past 3 years. I had gone from basically being the accounting department for a small company that the owner was essentially stealing money from to the office manager of a start up company, where I quit 4 weeks in because the owner began taking money from the company for personal expenses. I then spent a few months unemployed and bored out of my mind trying to figure out a way to have a career in writing. Exploring going back to school, trying to find a way to free lance- this was before I knew about blogs and the power the can have. After realizing I was going crazy without some structure in my life, I finally got a job adminstered scholarships. I didn't love the job, but other than a few co-workers who I really didn't like, it was fine. I made good money, I lost 50 lbs because I started exercising and joined weight watchers. I was pretty happy, and when I found out about the label job I actually declined to apply for it until the 3rd time my pastor pulled me aside and said "Amanda, you REALLY should apply for this job."

Writing

I think I finally have the ideas that I need to begin my books. Yes, books. Can I realistically do 2 at a time? I've been thinking and waiting and stewing over how to use Grandma's calendars for more than a year and a half now, and I think i have it. I also want to write a based-on-reality book about my life right now, but make it more exciting. The one about me I'm going to use this blog to formulate so that I can write where ever I am. I may need to set up a blog for the one about Grandma so I can do the same thing. That's a great idea actually.