Planning

Are you ever afraid that you have missed "it" but you don't know what "it" is?  That's the way I feel sometimes- I think a lot of the times "it" is my twenties, even though I have two years of twenties left.  Now, before I go on, I need to caveat this all with this statement: I love my life.  I love my kids, my husband and my house.  These are not things I'm wishing I didn't have or feel like are tying me down.

But...

I am so determined and so driven, almost like I'm afraid to let the wheels stop turning because of what the consequences might be, that I miss out on what is happening right here and now.  I miss out on cuddling with my kids because while I'm trying to rock them to sleep I read blogs on my phone, I miss out on relaxing with my husband because I am doing something else.  I see other people in their mid twenties flying off to go on vacations and cruises and wonder, #1, where do they get the money, and #2, why can't I do that?  Why am I so responsible?

But then I look around at my beautiful daughter and my adorable son, my handsome husband and cute dog and I see what they don't have.  I remember coming home at 3 and 4 am during college alone and lonely, and I'm glad that is no longer an issue.

So, all I guess I'm trying to say is that sometimes I feel like I missed out on something, but more often i feel bad for those who don't have what I do.