What do you mean it's almost 8pm?

My kids went to bed really early tonight- by 6:50 they were both snoring.  I was so excited to have the opportunity to get some writing done tonight!  So I posted a quick story on my Examiner site, my Monday Muscle entry and my Pilates for Mommies entry.  None felt like they took very long, and I was really excited to have some good quality awake time to do some real writing.  While my blog updates upload I check the clock- and it's been an hour!  An hour!  I thought 10 minutes tops.  Not an hour!  AHHHH!  I mean, I know everything I have done tonight has been writing, but it hasn't been writing.  And now the kids are crying.  Grrrrr!  My books will get written somehow!

**Clock from here

Loving Me

I struggle with my self-image. Sometimes I look in the mirror and I just don't like what I see.  I wish I was thinner.  I wish I didn't have the dark circles under my eyes that broadcast to the world that I haven't gotten enough sleep in about three years.  I wish a lot of things.

My daughter loves herself.  She hasn't gotten to that "I wish" thinking yet.  This picture is of her looking into a mirror and literally squealing with delight at what she sees.  She LOVES herself.  She gets dressed in the morning then runs to either me or daddy (whoever didn't help her) and declares "I'm cute!" We brush her hair, she turns around, kisses us and says "I'm pretty!"  

I'm going to start doing that- once I get dressed I'm going to look in the mirror and declare myself cute.  Once my hair has been brushed, I'm going to go find my husband and declare myself pretty.  Because I am gorgeous. Lily tells me a lot how pretty I am. I just need to remind myself sometimes.

I want a hot glue gun

Because I want to make this.  Brooke lives pretty close to me (a few hours) I'm starting to think I need to go meet her. (Picture of Brooke's finished box from her website.)

All better

So, obviously last night I wasn't feeling tip top, I was actually feeling overwhelmed by all that I want to do and the fact that my body requires that I get a certain amount of sleep each night because otherwise I am crabby, or worse, overly emotional.  (I haven't consistantly gotten enough sleep since before my kids were born, but my husband is amazing and he bears the brunt of the midnight (and 1, 2, 3 and 4am) trips to their rooms.) Besides sleep, I also want to spend time cuddling my kids, reading to them and playing with them.  And my husband.  And I have a full time job, and a part time job.  I've got a lot going on.  But,  I am only 28, I have much life left to lead.  I have time. I don't have to do it all now. (I should write that on a neon post it and put it on my computer!)

My Blog List- Part 1

I thought it would be fun to publish a list of the blogs I read, maybe you'll find soemthing you like! (These are in the order they appear in my Google Reader, it would be just too hard to rank them.)  I follow 25 blogs, so I'm going to split this up and just do 5 every Tuesday for the next 5 weeks so you don't get overwhelemed.

Sending Postcards: Alex and Mina are on a trip around the world and are graciously allowing us all to live vicariously through them. 

About.com Pilates: Marguerite Ogle writes all about Pilates- including interviews with master instructors, exercise demos and current trends.

Creatuitive Coaching: Entrepreneure Ana gives tips and inspiration for getting the most out of your job, whether you work at a typical 9-5 or have started your own company.

Editor Unleashed: Good, practical writing tips and advice

Hip Tranquil Chick: I owe Kimberly Wilson a lot- this was the first blog I ever read, the first podcast I ever subscribed to.  She introduced me to folks like Julia Cameron and Anne Lamont, and inspires me to do everything I want (because I feel like when she gets an idea, she goes for it, head on, full out.) 

Happy Reading,

Planning

Are you ever afraid that you have missed "it" but you don't know what "it" is?  That's the way I feel sometimes- I think a lot of the times "it" is my twenties, even though I have two years of twenties left.  Now, before I go on, I need to caveat this all with this statement: I love my life.  I love my kids, my husband and my house.  These are not things I'm wishing I didn't have or feel like are tying me down.

But...

I am so determined and so driven, almost like I'm afraid to let the wheels stop turning because of what the consequences might be, that I miss out on what is happening right here and now.  I miss out on cuddling with my kids because while I'm trying to rock them to sleep I read blogs on my phone, I miss out on relaxing with my husband because I am doing something else.  I see other people in their mid twenties flying off to go on vacations and cruises and wonder, #1, where do they get the money, and #2, why can't I do that?  Why am I so responsible?

But then I look around at my beautiful daughter and my adorable son, my handsome husband and cute dog and I see what they don't have.  I remember coming home at 3 and 4 am during college alone and lonely, and I'm glad that is no longer an issue.

So, all I guess I'm trying to say is that sometimes I feel like I missed out on something, but more often i feel bad for those who don't have what I do.

Amazing Blog

Okay- so I follow more blogs than I can keep up with, but I just added another one- Color Me Katie.  I found her based on an interview that Brooke at Playing Grown Up did. (BTW, Brooke's blog makes me feel so much better at wanting to stay young, even though I'm a 28 year old mom!) Katie does AMAZING, INSPIRING, ADORABLE art projects, and then shows the readers how to replicate them.  The picture is from her Chalk Walk.  You have got to check her out!

Oh- and my wireless mouse...

I forgot to mention that I hooked a wireless mouse up to Chris's computer (which the TV is plugged in to) so I don't even have to get up to change shows!  I'm excited, especially since I plan on sleeping up here until Chris gets home from the show tonight because going up and down the stairs does NOT feel good on my foot.

Good Night

So, I think I might have a stress fracture in my foot.  It hurts, bad.  But, we were out of milk and bread and eggs and all of the other stuff that is very necessary when you have a two year old who eats like a teenage boy, so I went grocery shopping.  On the way home, I stopped for gas and ran into the liqueur store for wine.  While there, I also picked up three of the tiny little liqueur bottles- Bailey's, Kahlula and Godiva Mocha.  Now, I'm sitting on the chaise, with ice on my foot, watching Ugly Betty on Hulu, and drinking an AMAZING drink (mix all three bottles together, shake).  And, from the sounds of it, both of the kids went to sleep already!  Woo hoo!

Great Quote:

Look to God as the source of all you want to see happen in your marriage, and dont worry about how it will happen. It's your responsibility to pray. It's God's job to answer. Leave it in His hands.

My Bookshelf

In December I bought myself a Kindle.  After I got over the shock and disappointment that the Harry Potter series isn't available, I quickly filled it with the free classics and have bought several books.  But I still have this bookshelf of books that I'm looking forward to reading.  It's taking me a little longer to get around to them than I would like, but I am very excited to dive into them.  All have been recommended by others to me, and I will be sure to pass along my thoughts.  Right now, I'm still reading On Writing
by Stephen King- it's part memoir, part "how-to-write" book.  I'm also reading Tranquilista: Mastering the Art of Enlightened Work and Mindful Play,
 Men Are Like Waffles--Women Are Like Spaghetti: Understanding and Delighting in Your Differences
(more about this in another post), The Power of a Praying® Wife Deluxe Edition,
 and Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (Book 5). It's a bit much, I know.  I normally don't like to read more than one book at a time, but this time, well, I got a bit carried away.  Trying to cross them off my list one by one now.  The Kindle's Text-to-Speech feature is quite nice for car-time reading, even if it sounds like a See-n-Say is reading to me.

Update on January Goals

Here's how I ended up:


Complete one entire writing project.  Finished it today.  Not ready to share though.


Participate in a writing workshop either online or in person.
     Revised: Instead of doing the workshop, I found several that I will be participating in this year.  


Enter at least one writing contest.


Have an artist date per month. Actually got away to write more than once!  Thanks Chris!


Write every day. May not have been a lot, but it was done!


Write 10 query letters. Wrote 10 agent queries today that I will be sending out early this week (to avoid weekend inbox build-up.


Print 12 photographs and display in house. I printed them, but have yet to display them.


Complete The Pilates Lifestyle book proposal. WooHoo!!!! Starting to query agents this week!


Will work on February goals sometime this week, have a big deadline at work tomorrow so I doubt I will get them up right away.  Going to go a little easier on myself, this was a bit much.

It's Snowing!

It's snowing!!!!!

Sorry about my absence this week, but I have been diligently working on my goals and am happy to report that I can cross another off my list- I have finished my book proposal! My mom, aunt and husband now all have copies to comment on and mark up. My 10 query letters will be written this weekend and sent to possible agents. I'm so excited!

There are quite a few of the goals that I may not meet this month, considering there are only 2 days left, but we'll see. I may need to be a bit less ambitious in the next few months as work picks up.

Off to enjoy the snow!

Appliachian Trail

I'm watching a PBS special on the Appilachian Trail. I have no desire to hike it all the way through. I kind of wish I wanted to, but I really don't. Do you?

Amanda Moon

I'm Not Happy

I debated just posting this on my personal, private, diary like blog, and I may change my mind before I hit the "Publish Post" button, but right now I feel like having support from others wouldn't be such a bad thing.

I'm not going to go into it all, but let's just say that the past six months have not been easy for me or my family. And I don't get enough sleep, or anything that resembles enough sleep. Those things put together are overwhelming me to the point where I took yesterday off of work because I couldn't take it anymore.

I don't feel like I'm spending too much time obsessing over things in the past that I can't change, but I also don't feel like the terrible-ness is not over yet. And I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. All the time. It's a crappy way to live.

If you could keep me and my family in your prayers, we would appreciate it. Feel free to share any resources you have that you think might help!

I could fall off my chair

I'm so tired today I could fall off my chair. Literally, just fall over and fall asleep.

Austin has not slept at all the last two nights. He's been stuffy, irratable, won't eat...yep, he's TEETHING! Two new teeth in the last three days, one on top, one on the bottom. Hopefully now that they are fully through the skin he will start to sleep.

The eating has been weird, because he doesn't typically like to eat from a spoon, but lately if it's not on a spoon (if it's in a bottle) he is just not interested. From 3pm yesterday to 9 am this morning he drank a total of 8 oz. And that's because we made him. But when i tried to feed him cereal this morning he wolfed it down like his usual incredible eater-self.

Daily Intention & Thanks

Ala Kimberly Wilson my intention for the day is Tranquility. Based on my work calendar and the few emails I've opened in the 40 minutes I've been here, I know this is going to be a challenge. But, instead of getting all poopy and mad and crabby by 11am (my status quo these days) I intend to let it wash off of me. If I can't control it, I can't do anything about it, and I shouldn't let it get me down. That's where I'm at this morning.

Today, I am thankful for the black dress that I found on the clearance rack and Target, admired, and left there only to be haunted by it for the next 4 days. I went back and, crisis averted, it was still there in my size. I'm wearing it today and must say, I look amazing. And I feel amazing. The only sad thing is that I got dressed at the gym this morning so Chris hasn't had the opportunity to see how awesome I look.

Here's the dress (I've got black boots on with it):

Today I'm thankful for

• Kids who don't mind throwing up.
• A job that lets me work from home so I don't have to use up my vacation time because kids are sick
• My computer
• My roller
• My husband
• Exercise

We spent most of the night up with puking kids, so I didn't set an intention for the day other than a mental one to just get through it. Turned out not so bad. Both kids seemed to be fine as the day went on, minor fevers but no more vomit, thankfully. They both took incredibly long afternoon naps which meant that Chris and I got to nap too. I taught a great class and did what I'll call "Toddler Pilates" with Lily climbing all over me after I got home. All in all, not a bad day.

Floating Leaves

This is one of the pictures I printed as part of my goal to print and display 12 of my favorite pictures. I love how it seems like the leaves are just floating in air. They weren't falling- can you guess what was holding them up? I'll give you a clue- it made me scream.

Today, I am thankful for breakfast

I am going to try (again) to start a practice of setting an intention for each day and giving thanks for a few things.

Today, my intention is peace. I need some calm in my head and I am the only one that can acccomplish that.

I am thankful for:

• Cuddling with Lily this morning when I got home from the gym and it was too early for her to get up
• The quiet in the house as I flat ironed my hair
• The joy of jelly toast for a 2 year old
• My husband, who graciously gets up in the middle of the night with our kids so that I can have the energy to get up really early and exercise.